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Lord, here comes an unmercifully bad attempt at horror.  The Grudge 2 is one of the most awful, piece of shit movies of the year.  Yes, the remake of The Grudge wasn’t great, but at least it set some sort of mood though it failed in the end.  It was shocking to me that the same man who directed the original Ju-On directed such a watered-down remake, with the backing of Sam Raimi, no less.  It makes one wonder of the power the American studios have on a production–when a guy can come out with something pretty creepy (although Ju-On was hardly a critical darling, either, considering its nonsense story) in one country and then somehow lose the ability when coming to the U.S.

The Grudge 2 is about Aubrey Davis (Amber Tamblyn), who goes to visit her sister Karen (Sarah Michelle Gellar), recently psycho-fied by her Grudge experience two years ago.  There is a reporter, Eason (Edison Chen), who is trying to figure out exactly what happened to those who have made their way into the haunted house in Tokyo.  What we know is that those who dare enter the house are treated to a creepy ghost-white Japanese boy and a long-haired, contorting, oxygen-deprived bitch who announces her presence everywhere with the sound of constant strangulation; the most awesome aspect of Ju-On, its sound, turned into an afterthought.

So, there’s that story, so why not make The Grudge 3 at the same time?  Because that’s exactly what you get with The Grudge 2 is two wretched movies in one.  Because there’s the matter of a family who has moved into an apartment building in Chicago, and one day a new arrival to the complex, hooded so we can’t figure out her identity (like this is going to be difficult), has brought the Grudge with her and it has made the people nearby all turn into psychos.  So what does one story, in Chicago, have to do with another, in Tokyo?  Holy crap it’s uninteresting!  And what’s worse: it appears to be the reason for the entire movie in the first place!

It’s the who-gives-a-shit, we have an unbelievable knockout ending for you in store…who gives a flying fuck whether there’s anything scary leading up to this wham-bang ending?  The ghosts in this story all seem to appear out of nowhere, but never do anything until it’s convenient.  There are a couple of scenes in the movie where you’ll ask yourself, “Am I actually here?” because they drag with the intensity of a snail through tree sap.  The movie tries to hash out the dumbass story with some lame reasoning a la The Ring, which violates that rule in Scream that Skeet Ulrich spouts, “It’s a lot scarier when there’s no motive.”

No context for scares, random scenes come out of nowhere, and one of my least favorite conventions in movies, it’s a small scene where a girl is talking to her friend, obviously having taken a turn for the worse.  She knocks down a whole jug of milk, and then vomits it back into the jug.  Her friend’s response?  “Is everything OK?”  I know that characters are supposed to act like they’re not in a scary movie, but come on.  Soon as a friend of mine knocks down a jug of milk and vomits it back, I’m wielding an axe.

Everything is wrong, wrong, wrong with this picture.  I can actually see Satan whoring himself in the background to get this movie made.  Even he couldn’t possibly be proud of all the sin it must have taken to greenlight this movie.  Your souls have been warned.